Did you know
I wanted little pink ballerina shoes
but you gave me black ones
Did you know
I wanted to play the piano
but your conservatorium days were your dark memory
of scales and scales
you gave me a xylophone
and closed the door
Did you know
I wanted friends
to bring them home
to share
but always you saw the neighbourhood as
a lower class
you would bring me up
the right way
Did you know
I went to church every Sunday
and church groups
and weekend camps
to escape
at least I missed your white gloved hand
checking my dusting skills
on your precious dressing table
Did you know
when Dad died
I hated all those people organising your life
our lives
and never once
did you notice
I missed him
never once
did you notice
I was there
Did you know
when you died
I saw you
sitting in my car
just sitting there
behind the wheel
watching me
as I walked from the classroom
Did you know
I thought you may have come back
to start again
Linking to:
dVerse - Sent With a Stamp
18 comments:
what a cold life...particular for me when the father passed and your own mourning going missed...whata touching end, that they might come back to start again as well...heavy heart...
Powerful and authentic poem.Our resilience keeps some of us up and running...a good thing to have!
What a painful poem this is! It doesn't sound like your mother ever understood you at all. So very sad.
oh, this is tough. i hope you can make peace with the past one day- it must have been so hard to write this.
beautiful, raw emotional poem.
~Miriam
Gemma- this is a stunning story- in its anger and grief - wow -K
What a shame. To see her sitting behind the steering wheel after her death is a fine example of how much she drove your life... oops, I'm talking about my mother (although she's still alive, thank goodness).
how very sad, for a child to have had to miss out on so much that could have made her life bearable, never mind joyous
So poignant and so touching! One can't get it over with not with parents. Beautiful take Gemma!
Hank
That one need to be written, I think! Horrifying thought at the end; glad it (evidently) didn't turn out that way.
Gemma, you opened your heart and truly bled an intimate letter to your mom. Sounds like there was a lot that needed to be expressed, and you truly did it. One of the best answers to the prompt I've read all night. Peace, Amy
...sadly that you have to experience such dark childhood days but you let it all happen to you... you let them make it happen to you... and how can you rebel when they're your only family & that you can only share a living with 'em once in a lifetime... bitter memories finding their room in poetry... thanks for freeing 'em from your heart... smiles...
Oh Gemma…this made me tear a bit. I just read a sad poem by Bjorn, and now this.
Perhaps I need to stop reading poetry for just a few minutes.
This touched me deeply.
Oh that darkness of a childhood that's governed by harshness and too much obsession with pride and performance.. very touching.
So well done ~ I felt the sadness and coldness of growing up without real good friends and not grieving for a parent who died ~ I too am touched by this ~
Gemma this is very sad. Perhaps she came back seeking forgiveness. Perhaps she just did the best she could. Still, sounds like it hurt you. Hope there's some healing in writing about it.
Ouch. This started sweet enough, but the refrain "Did you know" foreshadowed the horror to come. Yes, it seems a little thing, but it looms and haunts.
Very sad, very moving. I'm sorry her death left you with these important things unsaid. My own mother is alive, but lacks the emotional maturity and the empathy to hear me if I did tell her such brutal truths. I don't believe in forgiveness (I'm a big fan of the late author and psychiatrist Alice Miller on the topic). But I'm slowly learning to spend time with her again, because she's mostly harmless now. I'm trying to love her without hurting me. It's slow going, but I believe in love. Maybe this letter and your other expressions of grief will help you. Alice Miller says that what we really need to heal is someone "to share our outrage " at how we were hurt. Of course the details are different for everyone. But I share your outrage. You deserved better than all that cold. Beautiful, effective poem. Made me shiver. Thank you for sharing. Take care.
Gemma, thanks for commenting at Sharp Li'l. I came over and had another look at this... the chill of that relationship could have been crippling, but do you see what heaven you have made on earth by rejecting that coldness? I was having a nature vs. nurture conversation... Nature gets a bad rap, because it's our essential nature to choose our own paths. Even stronger on the second read! Amy
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